#4

Hey guys!

Another week, another post to keep you updated.

I’m not going to lie; this week was hard for me, both physically and emotionally. Honestly, I have been contemplating whether I should or shouldn’t post this blog as it is. Telling myself that no one wants to know about the ‘not fun’ stuff. But I believe it is important to show that life doesn’t always have to go smoothly in order for us to enjoy it. After all, everybody endures hardships on their own level.

Even though the week was off to a great start (my favourite driver, Lewis Hamilton, won the Russian GP last week Sunday ), the rest of the week would turn out to be quite the challenge.
Although (most) of our days weren’t that long and I even had 1 day off during the week, I am completely exhausted.

It’s also slowly, but surely starting to sink in that this summer I will be graduating and, to be honest, I’m freaking out a little bit.
I will, “officially”, be a professional. No place to hide or anybody to “protect” me. Safety blanket… gone.

The little voice in my head keeps telling me “you’re not good enough”, “you’re not ready”, “what are you going to do” etc.

Although I do believe that positive thoughts bring forth positivity, I have to admit I am by nature/nurture a person that favours negative thinking.
Not because I like to feel miserable, but simply because it’s so much easier to point out the negative side of things, the things that could be better.

I don’t mean to be a partypooper, but I believe it’s very important to show that everything doesn’t have to be fun, exciting and great all the time.
It’s okay to feel miserable from time to time without having to be able to explain “what is wrong with you”.

Everything has been going so great lately, that, quite frankly, I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I always get this nagging feeling, in the back of my mind and in my chest, when things in life are going really well…
Telling me that it won’t last, it can’t last and that something will happen to change all of that.
And it did…
It started Monday already in German class. Though I will take part of the blame because who in their right mind sings Wagner at 9 in the morning? 😉 (The correct answer is: no one does. So, of course, I had to do it 🙈😋 )

The rest of the classes made me feel like an idiot: I had no idea what was going on because I just could not concentrate. After trying to engage a couple of times, I simply gave up and just accepted the fact that I’m probably just too stupid for all of it.
The ultimate death blow came Tuesday, in the form of an email. Never in a million years would I have thought that something like that could make me feel utterly lost, confused and numb. But it did, and it’s scary to say it out loud, but I feel I had to share it because it’s part of MY story. There are no “rights” or “wrongs” in my story because it’s mine and mine alone to tell.

You never know what someone else is going through, so just be kind! 💜🙃

Even though I’m in this funk right now, I know things will be better. I believe it will be better.
There are no certainties in this life and we just have to take it as it comes. Both the good and the bad!

via GIPHY

I will end on a high note (I am a soprano after all 😜 )
In only two weeks time Diego will be coming to visit!!! I’m super excited and I can’t wait to show him around this amazing city!!!

Well, I’m off to read some Matt Haig, watch some ‘KUWTK’ and ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’. I hope to entertain you a bit more next week 😬

In the meantime, I’m leaving you this poem by one of my favourite poets.

X Beca

Come, and be my baby – Maya Angelou

The highway is full of big cars
going nowhere fast
And folks is smoking anything that’ll burn
Some people wrap their lies around a cocktail glass
And you sit wondering
where you’re going to turn
I got it.
Come. And be my baby.

Some prophets say the world is gonna end tomorrow
But others say we’ve got a week or two
The paper is full of every kind of blooming horror
And you sit wondering
What you’re gonna do.
I got it.
Come. And be my baby.

3 thoughts on “#4

  1. It is so brave of you to show everybody how you feel! Often people only like to share the positive side of their lives. However there’s more to life than only a bright side.I’m so proud of you!See you next week 😉

  2. Dear Beca, after only reading the first 3 sentences the thing that popped on my mind was: “please don’t be so hard for yourself and insecure!” To have this kind of bad, sad feeling Is really exhausting, cuz we tell ourselves that it’s oke to feel sometimes down cuz life can’t be one big bowl of happiness, but at the same time we want it to go away and change. I truly want you to believe more in yourself and accept it if something doesn’t goes like you expected it, because even the greatest players make mistakes, because we are all humans and can’t be perfect. Take every chance you have and be proud if you did something good. Stand still for a few seconds, compliment yourself and smilee!! I hope your new week is going better and these words will give cheer you up a little, cuz it really comes from my heart!

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